Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Almost Doesn't Count

Hey All,

It's been a whole week since I've blogged, I'm terrible I know.

Friday night I went with my friend Stephen and his friend Nyana to a Michael Jackson/Prince Tribute night. It was a lot of fun. They played a lot of old school music and of course MJ and Prince. It was soo hot but the dancing was beyond a good time. I didn't have to worry about some random guy coming up and trying to grind his way through my pelvis. That's what I love about old school music. You can just dance and have fun. No one was trying to be hot or sexy, no pressure to look good. Just dance and have fun!!

Don't get it twisted though, I can dance (i.e. "break someone off"), when necessary, but sometimes it's nice to just be free!

Saturday my mom, a friend of hers and I went up to our church's women's retreat. It was up in the mountains. Friday night I randomly started coming down with something, but went dancing anyways. And I was definitely sick in the mountains. I hate being sick, especially when it's hot, that's incredibly gross.

The rest of the week was mighty uneventful, until last night. (Warning, this is a long story!) I've been talking to this guy, we'll call him SP (not his initials, so don't even try to figure it out). He had asked for my number. I had noticed him before, the few times I had seen him and thought he was really attractive, so I gave him my number. I asked him if he was going to be one of those guys who asks for a number and then never uses it, he told me he would be gone for a few weeks, but he would text me while he was out of town.

About a week later I heard from him, yay!! We text for a couple of hours and things were looking up. He text me again a couple of nights later and then again after that. When he got back in town, he ended up inviting me to this bar where he was which is right around the corner from my job. So I headed over there. He was really nice, we hit it off, had fun. We sat in my car for a bit and talked and I drove him home (he doesn't live far and didn't drive himself to the bar, otherwise, he'd be on his own). During this time, it came out that I am not planning on having sex until I get married...He took this very seriously, which I appreciated.

Naturally the next day I wondered if I would hear from him, especially since now he knew I wasn't giving it up anytime soon. It took everything in me not to text him first. I was trying out the techniques of the book called You Lost Him At Hello. It's a good book, but it's really hard to put some of her suggestions into practice. We had hung out on Friday, I knew he wouldn't text me Saturday because he was having a birthday party that day, so Sunday rolls around and I'm gnawing at my fingers not to text him first. He eventually does text me and we talk some more.

He told me he was really thinking about the fact that I wasn't going to sleep with him and he didn't want to pressure me. I thought that was cool. I thought maybe he was going to turn out to be different from other guys. He sure was starting out the right way. Nice guy, respectful, and funny to boot. Very good start!

To make a long story slightly short, he hasn't been texting me the last few weeks. I have been the one texting him. So I guessed that he decided he wasn't interested in me. What do I expect, right? For me words speak louder than actions, so even though the way he was behaving pretty much told me what was going on, I needed to hear it. I hadn't talked to him for two weeks, and I text him to ask him what was going on. I ended up chickening out and we were just chatting like normal. It gets a little hard to explain here, but basically through the course of conversation he ended up telling me he wasn't interested in me. I was asking him questions about how he behaves towards girls he's interested in. Then he asked if I was interested in a boy.

Me: "Not anymore, but it's good to have insights" (I was thinking of him)
Him: What is his name and what did he do for you not to be?
Me: He just turned out to be the kind of guy I'm not interested in.
Him: Are you thinking about me and not telling me? (He's a smart cookie)
Me: You're funny, and yes I was talking about you
Him: That must make me a bad guy.
Me: No it's doesn't. I didn't say you were a bad guy

So, I kind of lied. I was still slightly interested, but if he wasn't interested in me there was no point in me telling him I was. I also realized I had never had a guy just tell me he wasn't interested. They always just stop talking to me or start acting weird. So I never really get closure. I thought maybe I was a weird, obsessive person, but when I realized he wasn't interested in me, I felt no need to pursue him whatsoever. It was very liberating. So I went to bed not feeling too bad, I mean I understand not wanting to have to go without sex, whatever.

So this morning, we were continuing our conversation from last night and I asked him when he decided he wasn't interested in me anymore and he said probably when this girl who he had been interested in whom he thought would never give him the time of day started showing some interest.


My world was shattered. Once again I was dropped for some other girl. It was completely different when it was just he wasn't interested. but it hurt far worse that he "found someone better". I HATE that. I don't understand why I can't be good enough. I had hoped with everything that he would be a different guy, he had all the potential to be. But in the end he's just like the rest of them. He's got the girl who hasn't given him a hint of chance and the girl who was nice and accessible. As soon as the first girl bats an eye, off he goes, dropping the girl whom he didn't have to jump through hoops for. I tried soooo hard to be the hard-to-get girl, but I'm so bad at that. I don't want to pretend that I don't like you or am not interested in you. I know it's necessary if I want to get a guy, but I really suck at it. I'm not good and hiding or disguising how I feel. I guess when I really get tired of being alone, I'll suck it up and be the bitch that is apparently necessary to be in order to get and keep a guy. I got really pissed and my texts were definitely showing it. We ended with "we'll be friends", but I'm still pissed. Not at him but at the situation. I'll give him credit, he stuck out the conversation. He's still a decent guy, I just hate that he didn't rise above.

The story is a lot more complicated and intricate than what I've posted but I tried to condense it for you.

Oh well, back to the dating board...



MaryRC said...

aww hell you didnt need him anyway, good riddance. love dancing to old school.. the best baby!

see ya sitstah!

love lives in the kitchen said...

hello! stopping by from sits! wish you a great day!

Dreamgirl said...

Just stopping by from SITS hoping you'll have a fabulous day!

Sarah said...

Hi and hello from my side of the world! Just visiting from SITS to wish you a fantastic day!!

Melissa, Multi-Tasking Mama said...

That stinks! I have friends who are single (I feel like I am the old married lady LOL) and they struggle with these same issues. Just remember Psalms 27: 13-14- Wait on the Lord- it will so be worth it!

Stopping by from SITS (have a great day =)

Anonymous said...

"I tried soooo hard to be the hard-to-get girl, but I'm so bad at that... I know it's necessary if I want to get a guy, but I really suck at it. I'm not good and hiding or disguising how I feel."

Ohh no no no, is NOT necessary to play hard-to-get in order to get a guy. A douche-bag, maybe, but you want a genuine guy. Trust me...I made the MISTAKE of learning to play hard-to-get with guys, and all it ever got me were the ones that aren't worth my time. When I finally gave that up and started being completely me, THAT'S when I found that I'm worth more than what those kinds of guys are looking for... And though it may take time (and the time can seem to drag on endlessly), believe me that WHEN the right guy comes around, he will appreciate your genuineness and he won't let you get away.

Lani said...

Stopping by from SITS! Mr Nontexter doesn't deserve you anyway, so you should just thank him for backing off:)

eQ said...

Hey girlie! I just have to say, splendid post. And don't ever compromise yourself to get the guy. Do fold under pressure or loneliness.

BTW I will be using your 3 things idea this week and I will be posting your CFN post this weekend. Oh how wonderful a blogging buddy you are!

Archana said...

My first time here, and I have to say I'm glad I bumped into your blog. :)

Firstly, I know what you mean about how it's liberating to dance to certain music that doesn't imply being attacked by the boys, haha. Though some good old hip hop & reggaeton is always fun too!

Anyway, the story about the boy. Honestly, it's crazy how much men love the chase after the ice queen. And how the warm, friendly ones just get the boot cause they're "accessible". BS! From what my guyfriends have said, looks like most men like the middle line. A woman that's warm enough to approach, but also knows how to play her cards right to keep him wanting more. I've noticed a lot of guys think girls that text often (even if they initiate it), end up under their not-so-hard-to-get list. Their logic is so stupid sometimes. A girl willing to converse with them should count as "interested" versus some girl they've been desperately chasing who finally smiled at them. It's got to do with feeding their ego.

I think I've blabbed an essay here, lol. Point being, it's a good thing he told you the truth. At least now you know what kind of guy he really is. Good luck with future dates. :)

My Baby Sweetness said...

Stopping by from SITs!

Sorry about the dude! I know everyone has there "but it'll work out" story, so I won't go on too long, but I will tell you that what worked for me was to sort of stop worrying about it and just have some fun. I think I always took dating too seriously (how was it others did it for sport?) - maybe life too seriously. So I finally said, forget it, I'm just going to do fun things for me (yes, there was a hitting bottom pt that got me there, but that's too long a story). I decided to do stupid fun things - play adult kickball, take belly dancing lessons and go out with guys I normally wouldn't - even ask them out and I did 8 minute dating. I met my husband within a month - so my summer of 'lots of dating' was really about 3 guys.

Dorkys Ramos said...

Ugh, I'm sorry! Yeah, I agree with you on the no games thing. I used to play the "I'm not interested" card so many times not because I wanted to be coy, but because I was too afraid of rejection. So kudos to you for putting yourself out there no matter what. Otherwise how will you find the right guy?

I tested the waters a couple years ago and realized that you should just be upfront about your feelings and you should feel proud and happy that you were straight up and honest with him. Better to find out he wasn't a good match now than later. He can go get his cookies elsewhere.

Dorkys Ramos said...

Oh and ditto on the dancing!! I hate when it turns into a wrestling match on the dance floor when the sleazy guy's hands start roaming.

thatgirlblogs said...

no manners! you are SO happy he didn't waste your time...

Anonymous said...

You are way better than some dude who wants to have a texting convo with you. You deserve more girl. I have read some of you prior post before. Don't let the lonliness get you down. I know it is hard and I go through it all of the time, but girl, you are seriously so so much better than you realize. Since I know what it feel like to walk in your shoes. I will send up special prayers for ya. I know how hard the path that you are walking can be. :o) Be encouraged girl.


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