It's All Gravy!

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I know I'm late, but what are you gonna do? How was everyone's holiday?

It's been crazy getting settle into everything, Between soccer class, acting class, the holidays, and getting ready to start my new job, I feel like I haven't had a minute!


So, I started my new job today! I don't think I've mentioned this at all. I am in a new position with the same company I've been working for for the last year and a half. I'm excited, it's gonna be good. I get to train with my current manager. She's teaching me the ropes. We're friends outside of work, so it makes training even better!

My acting class has been going well. My partner and I are doing our last runthrough for our last scene on Thursday, which should be really good. We've worked pretty hard on it. Fingers crossed! Afterward, we're going to the Turtle Races:-)

SP text me last week, because he saw me driving. We chatted for a bit, then I let the conversation go. He replied "yup" to something I said, and I didn't respond. I decided I'm tired of being the one waiting for the guy to say something. I'll keep the ball in my court for a little while thank you. Not that he was trying to talk to me like that again, but I'm always practicing!

My friend Dawn and I watched Gross Pointe Blank tonight, and we were marveling at the awesomness of Minnie Driver's character. She's so amazing. The way she treats John Cusak is classic! She really couldn't care less about hurting his feelings, or what he thinks of her if she does one thing or another. I truly, truly want to be able to be like her. But the key is, you can't just ACT like that, it has to be truly what you feel. I have to stop caring about guys and what they think. I need to be about me (not in the completely conceited sense), I need to be mre concerned about how I feel and how I should and want to be treated rather than about how they feel or what they think. And it's gonna have to be genuine, not just something I'm doing to get a specific result. If I watch Gross Pointe Blank and He's Just Not That Into You at least once a month, I think I'll be okay!

I totally filled my car with radiator fluid and oil, by myself (well, with my dad on the phone, but whatever!). A mechanic tried to swindle me, so I just took matters into my own hands! He said my car just needed "basic maintenance" which would cost $200-$300!!! How in the world is that basic?!? When he went to look under my hood, I got out of my car to watch him, just in case he tried to pull something funny. He didn't do anything that I saw, he said my spark plugs were looking good. Then I talked to my dad after I left and he asked if the guy had taken anything out, I said no, and he said you can't check spark plugs without taking them out!!! WTH?!? That's why mechanics have a bad reputation! I hate being a woman who doesn't know squat about cars....maybe I'll take an auto shop class next semester....

Jeremy is doing much better. He's eating, talking, laughing. But his brain still hasn't recovered fully. He's moody and can get really irritable, so he still needs prayer, if you think about him! Thank you to everyone who has kept him in mind!


I'll be updating more often now that the dust has settled!

Question: What was one thing you were really Thankful for?

Until next time!

Almost Doesn't Count

Hey All,

It's been a whole week since I've blogged, I'm terrible I know.

Friday night I went with my friend Stephen and his friend Nyana to a Michael Jackson/Prince Tribute night. It was a lot of fun. They played a lot of old school music and of course MJ and Prince. It was soo hot but the dancing was beyond a good time. I didn't have to worry about some random guy coming up and trying to grind his way through my pelvis. That's what I love about old school music. You can just dance and have fun. No one was trying to be hot or sexy, no pressure to look good. Just dance and have fun!!

Don't get it twisted though, I can dance (i.e. "break someone off"), when necessary, but sometimes it's nice to just be free!

Saturday my mom, a friend of hers and I went up to our church's women's retreat. It was up in the mountains. Friday night I randomly started coming down with something, but went dancing anyways. And I was definitely sick in the mountains. I hate being sick, especially when it's hot, that's incredibly gross.

The rest of the week was mighty uneventful, until last night. (Warning, this is a long story!) I've been talking to this guy, we'll call him SP (not his initials, so don't even try to figure it out). He had asked for my number. I had noticed him before, the few times I had seen him and thought he was really attractive, so I gave him my number. I asked him if he was going to be one of those guys who asks for a number and then never uses it, he told me he would be gone for a few weeks, but he would text me while he was out of town.

About a week later I heard from him, yay!! We text for a couple of hours and things were looking up. He text me again a couple of nights later and then again after that. When he got back in town, he ended up inviting me to this bar where he was which is right around the corner from my job. So I headed over there. He was really nice, we hit it off, had fun. We sat in my car for a bit and talked and I drove him home (he doesn't live far and didn't drive himself to the bar, otherwise, he'd be on his own). During this time, it came out that I am not planning on having sex until I get married...He took this very seriously, which I appreciated.

Naturally the next day I wondered if I would hear from him, especially since now he knew I wasn't giving it up anytime soon. It took everything in me not to text him first. I was trying out the techniques of the book called You Lost Him At Hello. It's a good book, but it's really hard to put some of her suggestions into practice. We had hung out on Friday, I knew he wouldn't text me Saturday because he was having a birthday party that day, so Sunday rolls around and I'm gnawing at my fingers not to text him first. He eventually does text me and we talk some more.

He told me he was really thinking about the fact that I wasn't going to sleep with him and he didn't want to pressure me. I thought that was cool. I thought maybe he was going to turn out to be different from other guys. He sure was starting out the right way. Nice guy, respectful, and funny to boot. Very good start!

To make a long story slightly short, he hasn't been texting me the last few weeks. I have been the one texting him. So I guessed that he decided he wasn't interested in me. What do I expect, right? For me words speak louder than actions, so even though the way he was behaving pretty much told me what was going on, I needed to hear it. I hadn't talked to him for two weeks, and I text him to ask him what was going on. I ended up chickening out and we were just chatting like normal. It gets a little hard to explain here, but basically through the course of conversation he ended up telling me he wasn't interested in me. I was asking him questions about how he behaves towards girls he's interested in. Then he asked if I was interested in a boy.

Me: "Not anymore, but it's good to have insights" (I was thinking of him)
Him: What is his name and what did he do for you not to be?
Me: He just turned out to be the kind of guy I'm not interested in.
Him: Are you thinking about me and not telling me? (He's a smart cookie)
Me: You're funny, and yes I was talking about you
Him: That must make me a bad guy.
Me: No it's doesn't. I didn't say you were a bad guy

So, I kind of lied. I was still slightly interested, but if he wasn't interested in me there was no point in me telling him I was. I also realized I had never had a guy just tell me he wasn't interested. They always just stop talking to me or start acting weird. So I never really get closure. I thought maybe I was a weird, obsessive person, but when I realized he wasn't interested in me, I felt no need to pursue him whatsoever. It was very liberating. So I went to bed not feeling too bad, I mean I understand not wanting to have to go without sex, whatever.

So this morning, we were continuing our conversation from last night and I asked him when he decided he wasn't interested in me anymore and he said probably when this girl who he had been interested in whom he thought would never give him the time of day started showing some interest.


THERE IT IS!!

My world was shattered. Once again I was dropped for some other girl. It was completely different when it was just he wasn't interested. but it hurt far worse that he "found someone better". I HATE that. I don't understand why I can't be good enough. I had hoped with everything that he would be a different guy, he had all the potential to be. But in the end he's just like the rest of them. He's got the girl who hasn't given him a hint of chance and the girl who was nice and accessible. As soon as the first girl bats an eye, off he goes, dropping the girl whom he didn't have to jump through hoops for. I tried soooo hard to be the hard-to-get girl, but I'm so bad at that. I don't want to pretend that I don't like you or am not interested in you. I know it's necessary if I want to get a guy, but I really suck at it. I'm not good and hiding or disguising how I feel. I guess when I really get tired of being alone, I'll suck it up and be the bitch that is apparently necessary to be in order to get and keep a guy. I got really pissed and my texts were definitely showing it. We ended with "we'll be friends", but I'm still pissed. Not at him but at the situation. I'll give him credit, he stuck out the conversation. He's still a decent guy, I just hate that he didn't rise above.

The story is a lot more complicated and intricate than what I've posted but I tried to condense it for you.

Oh well, back to the dating board...

Lazy Days

So, I promised myself I would try to blog everyday, even if nothing "interesting" happened. Let's see, what I can get out of today.

I woke up early to get stuff started for Youth Group with the fundraiser I'm heading. Deadlines sure sneak up on you, don't they? I always say I'll do stuff then it comes up so fast and I feel like I had no time to prepare! This was my first day off in 13 days!! I'm not one of those people who just says "I've been busy", but I haven't. When I say I've been busy, I really have. My days seem to go by so quickly. between having to be at work and trying to fit the gym in, I feel like those are the only two places I've been in the last two weeks.

So, I read this book called You Lost Him At Hello. It's a good book. This woman has applied sales techniques to dating. It sounds weird, but it seems like it would work, in theory. I haven't had a chance to really put any of her techniques to the test. However, part of what she stresses is to not always be available. She also says, women, you have to play games. It sucks, but you have to play the games guys make us play. Even though they swear they don't like games, it's a lie, because there are rules you have to follow. I know this is true because I didn't like playing games either, and I've been doing things my way, and I've been single my whole life. So I've decided to buckle down and do what these books suggest, rather than my own natural desires.

I wanted to text TR yesterday to say bye and whatever, you know, just any reason to start a conversation. But I told myself not to. I ate my fingers to keep from typing on my phone. Somehow I distracted myself and got through yesterday without saying anything. Today I wanted to just forget what the book said and send him a text. But then I told myself again, "No, you've always done it your way, and it's gotten you nothing. Try something different!", so I didn't.

My problem is, I feel like any little thing could stop a guy from being interested in me. Only the guys I'm interested in though. Guys I have absolutely no interest in whatsoever won't leave me alone no matter what. What is up with that? Why are the guys I'm into not into me?

ANYway, so I went to the gym, to continue my workout routine and to keep my hands occupied. When I get there, I feel my phone vibrate. It was TR! He actually text me first! I couldn't believe I did it. I waited, and he text me first. I kind of like this feeling.

I like being pursued. I prefer to be pursued. But I'm so used to having to be the pursuer it's hard for me to think anyone would ever want to pursue me. A guy making an effort into seeing me or going out of his way to talk to me seem like a fairytale, or something that only happens in movies. It's very hard for me to imagine a guy liking me enough to work to get and/or keep me. It's very sad, but I'm trying not to think that way.

Well that's another glimpse into my love life and why it is the way it is now. More shall reveal itself in due time I'm sure. La'az!