Wednesday, April 29, 2009

Lazy Days

So, I promised myself I would try to blog everyday, even if nothing "interesting" happened. Let's see, what I can get out of today.

I woke up early to get stuff started for Youth Group with the fundraiser I'm heading. Deadlines sure sneak up on you, don't they? I always say I'll do stuff then it comes up so fast and I feel like I had no time to prepare! This was my first day off in 13 days!! I'm not one of those people who just says "I've been busy", but I haven't. When I say I've been busy, I really have. My days seem to go by so quickly. between having to be at work and trying to fit the gym in, I feel like those are the only two places I've been in the last two weeks.

So, I read this book called You Lost Him At Hello. It's a good book. This woman has applied sales techniques to dating. It sounds weird, but it seems like it would work, in theory. I haven't had a chance to really put any of her techniques to the test. However, part of what she stresses is to not always be available. She also says, women, you have to play games. It sucks, but you have to play the games guys make us play. Even though they swear they don't like games, it's a lie, because there are rules you have to follow. I know this is true because I didn't like playing games either, and I've been doing things my way, and I've been single my whole life. So I've decided to buckle down and do what these books suggest, rather than my own natural desires.

I wanted to text TR yesterday to say bye and whatever, you know, just any reason to start a conversation. But I told myself not to. I ate my fingers to keep from typing on my phone. Somehow I distracted myself and got through yesterday without saying anything. Today I wanted to just forget what the book said and send him a text. But then I told myself again, "No, you've always done it your way, and it's gotten you nothing. Try something different!", so I didn't.

My problem is, I feel like any little thing could stop a guy from being interested in me. Only the guys I'm interested in though. Guys I have absolutely no interest in whatsoever won't leave me alone no matter what. What is up with that? Why are the guys I'm into not into me?

ANYway, so I went to the gym, to continue my workout routine and to keep my hands occupied. When I get there, I feel my phone vibrate. It was TR! He actually text me first! I couldn't believe I did it. I waited, and he text me first. I kind of like this feeling.

I like being pursued. I prefer to be pursued. But I'm so used to having to be the pursuer it's hard for me to think anyone would ever want to pursue me. A guy making an effort into seeing me or going out of his way to talk to me seem like a fairytale, or something that only happens in movies. It's very hard for me to imagine a guy liking me enough to work to get and/or keep me. It's very sad, but I'm trying not to think that way.

Well that's another glimpse into my love life and why it is the way it is now. More shall reveal itself in due time I'm sure. La'az!



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