Tuesday, August 18, 2009

How Do You Comfort Loneliness By Yourself?

Every once in awhile it hits me.

The Loneliness.

One would think I would be used to it by now, considering I have yet to be in a relationship, but that's not the case. I usually just try not to think about it but every once in while The Loneliness wins, and it's overwhelming thoughts.

What's wrong with me? Why am I not worth anyone's time or effort? Will I ever meet a guy that thinks I'm the greatest girl he's ever met?

Of course my friends and family all say "yes" with no hesitation. But that doesn't always seem so. I mean I'm 26 years old, how have I managed to stay single my entire life? When I start thinking about it, I boil it down to not being pretty enough because I haven't even gotten to the point where a guy even gave me enough of a chance to even consider being with me. It's ridiculous and extremely frustrating.

The only guy to even come close won't even be friends with me now. We had been hanging out, enjoying each others company, and then all of a sudden, he just stopped talking to me, then texts me and says he decided to go back to his ex-girlfriend. The one he had previously been telling me he didn't want to be with anymore and complaining about the stupid things she would do. He said it was for cultural/family reasons, yet now he won't even be friends with me. He treats me rather poorly actually, and you would think that would discourage me from having feelings for him. Well that was almost 4 years ago and I still feel like it happened last week. I still try every once in a while to get him to have a friendship with me which is ├╝ber pathetic, and I know that, but I can't help it. i hang on to him because I don't have anyone else.

At this point it's pretty much all I think about, what it would be like to have a boyfriend. It's hard for anyone else to understand because no one else I know has gotten to the age of 26 without having an actual relationship.

I hate having a whiney blog post, but I had to let this out for now. Maybe I'll write more later...



Jennee said...

I understand completely. I'm 26 and the closest thing I've had to a real date is meeting creepos off the internet. Never been in a relationship, never made it to a second date and have only been kissed by strangers just because they caught me off guard!

I've become labled as the "safe friend" the one guys can turn to when they need a friend and have no worries of it turning into anything. That's always fun. I spend all my good advice helping males get back with their women and not one of them ever thanks me by noticing me or mentioning me to a single friend of theirs....

I'm even more screwed now that I was forced to moving back to a small town where I'm related to the only single guys I know.

Sorry, I got on my soapbox..but you're not alone! Don't give into the loneliness...it'll eat you up!

Stephany said...

I can totally relate to this post. While I'm only 21 years old, I've never been in a relationship, been on too few dates, and I've never been kissed (which I'm perfectly fine with, actually). It's hard when we are looked upon as "weirdos" for not having tons and tons of dates and society today is so into hooking up JUST BECAUSE. So it's a hard life to live sometimes, a lonely life to live. So I totally get you. :)

Peterson Family said...

When it's meant to happen it will. Maybe this will just make you more appreciative of it when it does happen.

Anonymous said...

I am 29 and I have never had a relationship. So trust me when I say that you are not alone. I was reading this like "is this girl my twin?" lol. It just boils down to waiting on God. I know it is hard, I really, really do. But, love is so beautiful, way to beautiful to scander on something that is not for you. What you have is special and the one for you should love the way that God does - I mean as close to it that a person who is human can. We all deserve that. I used to look at people around me who had relationships, but what do they really have. A bunch of heartbreak, extra baggage. Not to say that it is true of all people, but enough. Nowadays, I would be willing to wait a lifetime to experience love in it's truest form. There is also a blessing in being single this long because for me, I feel that I have gotten to know God on a whole new level and he really is the best friend/boyfriend/husband that a girl can have and I feel that I have a really strong connection with myself and that is so important in the world and a relationship. So, I could go on and on about this, but I will stop here. Just know that you are not alone. I go through it too. :o)

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