Almost Doesn't Count

Hey All,

It's been a whole week since I've blogged, I'm terrible I know.

Friday night I went with my friend Stephen and his friend Nyana to a Michael Jackson/Prince Tribute night. It was a lot of fun. They played a lot of old school music and of course MJ and Prince. It was soo hot but the dancing was beyond a good time. I didn't have to worry about some random guy coming up and trying to grind his way through my pelvis. That's what I love about old school music. You can just dance and have fun. No one was trying to be hot or sexy, no pressure to look good. Just dance and have fun!!

Don't get it twisted though, I can dance (i.e. "break someone off"), when necessary, but sometimes it's nice to just be free!

Saturday my mom, a friend of hers and I went up to our church's women's retreat. It was up in the mountains. Friday night I randomly started coming down with something, but went dancing anyways. And I was definitely sick in the mountains. I hate being sick, especially when it's hot, that's incredibly gross.

The rest of the week was mighty uneventful, until last night. (Warning, this is a long story!) I've been talking to this guy, we'll call him SP (not his initials, so don't even try to figure it out). He had asked for my number. I had noticed him before, the few times I had seen him and thought he was really attractive, so I gave him my number. I asked him if he was going to be one of those guys who asks for a number and then never uses it, he told me he would be gone for a few weeks, but he would text me while he was out of town.

About a week later I heard from him, yay!! We text for a couple of hours and things were looking up. He text me again a couple of nights later and then again after that. When he got back in town, he ended up inviting me to this bar where he was which is right around the corner from my job. So I headed over there. He was really nice, we hit it off, had fun. We sat in my car for a bit and talked and I drove him home (he doesn't live far and didn't drive himself to the bar, otherwise, he'd be on his own). During this time, it came out that I am not planning on having sex until I get married...He took this very seriously, which I appreciated.

Naturally the next day I wondered if I would hear from him, especially since now he knew I wasn't giving it up anytime soon. It took everything in me not to text him first. I was trying out the techniques of the book called You Lost Him At Hello. It's a good book, but it's really hard to put some of her suggestions into practice. We had hung out on Friday, I knew he wouldn't text me Saturday because he was having a birthday party that day, so Sunday rolls around and I'm gnawing at my fingers not to text him first. He eventually does text me and we talk some more.

He told me he was really thinking about the fact that I wasn't going to sleep with him and he didn't want to pressure me. I thought that was cool. I thought maybe he was going to turn out to be different from other guys. He sure was starting out the right way. Nice guy, respectful, and funny to boot. Very good start!

To make a long story slightly short, he hasn't been texting me the last few weeks. I have been the one texting him. So I guessed that he decided he wasn't interested in me. What do I expect, right? For me words speak louder than actions, so even though the way he was behaving pretty much told me what was going on, I needed to hear it. I hadn't talked to him for two weeks, and I text him to ask him what was going on. I ended up chickening out and we were just chatting like normal. It gets a little hard to explain here, but basically through the course of conversation he ended up telling me he wasn't interested in me. I was asking him questions about how he behaves towards girls he's interested in. Then he asked if I was interested in a boy.

Me: "Not anymore, but it's good to have insights" (I was thinking of him)
Him: What is his name and what did he do for you not to be?
Me: He just turned out to be the kind of guy I'm not interested in.
Him: Are you thinking about me and not telling me? (He's a smart cookie)
Me: You're funny, and yes I was talking about you
Him: That must make me a bad guy.
Me: No it's doesn't. I didn't say you were a bad guy

So, I kind of lied. I was still slightly interested, but if he wasn't interested in me there was no point in me telling him I was. I also realized I had never had a guy just tell me he wasn't interested. They always just stop talking to me or start acting weird. So I never really get closure. I thought maybe I was a weird, obsessive person, but when I realized he wasn't interested in me, I felt no need to pursue him whatsoever. It was very liberating. So I went to bed not feeling too bad, I mean I understand not wanting to have to go without sex, whatever.

So this morning, we were continuing our conversation from last night and I asked him when he decided he wasn't interested in me anymore and he said probably when this girl who he had been interested in whom he thought would never give him the time of day started showing some interest.


THERE IT IS!!

My world was shattered. Once again I was dropped for some other girl. It was completely different when it was just he wasn't interested. but it hurt far worse that he "found someone better". I HATE that. I don't understand why I can't be good enough. I had hoped with everything that he would be a different guy, he had all the potential to be. But in the end he's just like the rest of them. He's got the girl who hasn't given him a hint of chance and the girl who was nice and accessible. As soon as the first girl bats an eye, off he goes, dropping the girl whom he didn't have to jump through hoops for. I tried soooo hard to be the hard-to-get girl, but I'm so bad at that. I don't want to pretend that I don't like you or am not interested in you. I know it's necessary if I want to get a guy, but I really suck at it. I'm not good and hiding or disguising how I feel. I guess when I really get tired of being alone, I'll suck it up and be the bitch that is apparently necessary to be in order to get and keep a guy. I got really pissed and my texts were definitely showing it. We ended with "we'll be friends", but I'm still pissed. Not at him but at the situation. I'll give him credit, he stuck out the conversation. He's still a decent guy, I just hate that he didn't rise above.

The story is a lot more complicated and intricate than what I've posted but I tried to condense it for you.

Oh well, back to the dating board...

The Latest & Greatest

Hey Guy & Gals!

Blogging from Panera Bread in Marina Del Rey (the connection is uber sloooowwww!)
I haven't blogged in awhile, I've been quite busy. And since I work on a computer for about 8 hours a day, I don't really feeling like getting in front of another screen by the time I get home:-P

Career:
Had my callback audition for that play, and I got cast for ensemble. I'm not going to take it, because I can't put "ensemble" on my resume and I don't have time to dedicate to something that can't really help further my acting career. I've already done ensemble twice for this director, so I hoped she would give me a chance, but no luck. Something about auditioning gets me completely nervous and I can't remember my lines! But if I'm not auditioning, I do fine! I had to perform a monologue in my Acting II class and I did very well as far as remembering lines. There are a lot of things I still have to learn as an actress. A lot of nuances and techniques. I would love it if I were one of those "naturals" who could just awe people without even trying...But since I'm not, I'm just gonna have to learn!

On The Home Front
Went to look at this 3 BR apartment where my brother and I want to live, and oh my gosh, it's amazing! I really really want to live there. Here are some pics I took:




That's just the living room and the kitchen. I'm in love!! I got all tingly inside at the thought of having my own room and my own space! I've never had that before. I've shared a room with someone my whole life. Even in college I had to share a room with 1 or 2 people. Once I move, I will have a space I can call my own, somewhere I can close the door and be by myself with having to worry about teenage boys coming in or talk on the phone without having to worry about waking someone else up. It will be HEAVEN! Lord willing this will be the place! I realized I wouldn't even know what to do with all that space. I wouldn't know how to decorate or anything! I've never been able to decorate an entire room the way I want to. I'll probably be taking polls and asking you guys opinions and ideas for my room! Yaaaaayy! Getting ahead of myself...calming down.

In Sports

I played soccer yesterday and pulled a muscle. I think my body is slightly pissed at me for putting it onto the soccer field after so many years of being out of practice. It's a soccer class, so it's coed. And there are mostly guys, which is so much fun! Guys play so much harder and are stronger and faster so us girls have to work harder to keep up. I think it's a good thing. The guys are very aware that we are girls, whenever one of us seems like we're hurt they always ask if we're okay, which they never do for each other. One girl was offended when a guy asked her if she was okay and she said "Just because I'm a girl doesn't mean I'm a delicate flower.". This is the attitude that is making our guys cease in treating us like ladies. I don't take offense at a guy checking to see if I'm okay. I want to be recognized as a woman. You can be both a woman and an athlete, it doesn't have to be one or the other. But that's a whole other topic I 'll talk about later...

Speaking of topics, my friend Allison has asked me to become a regular contributor for EveryGirlBlog!! I'm so excited. This is going to keep my writing skills sharp and give me something to do! Not that I don't have enough on my plate, but I like to write and I really need a reason to sit and write at least twice a week! I'll also probably start vlogging.

Well, that's a glimpse into what's going on in my world!

Question of The Day
Before I go, I wanted to share that today, I was sitting in a seat at Panera because all of the tables were taken. I had my food in my lap. And a woman came over and offered me her table because she was done eating. It was very nice of her! It's always nice to discover that there are still really decent people in the world!

Can you think of a time when a stranger offered something to you without being asked?


Coming Up:
Campfire Network: Personal questions answered by Blogging Banana!


Cheers!

There Goes The Weekend

Hey Hey Hey!!

This was a crazy busy weekend! Sorry it's taken me so long to update!

Here's the recap:

Freaky Friday

Had a perfectly horrible audition for a play at the community college I'm taking classes at. It was really really terrible. We had to audition in front of everyone and that always makes me super nervous. I got really pissed at myself, wondering what I was doing trying to be an actress and whether I should just give up or not. It was very disheartening. So I did the adult thing and went to happy hour, by myself at a Mexican restaurant/bar, to drown my sorrows. Then some people who love me came to keep me company and then we walked to the beach.

Afterward I met my friend Dawn at her place and we walked to this bar in Culver City that we like. I saw the cute bartender that I met the Tuesday before. He's super cute and he recognized me. He even hooked me up with drinks. Then I walked down the street to meet up with my guy friend who has been lviing in Vegas for the last couple of years. We went and saw Final Destination 3D (I had already seen it), it was good to see him again.

Saturday Saturday

I did nothing all day. It was wonderful!!! I appreciate days I don't have to be up at 4 AM, and gas being what it is, I don't really like leaving the house unless it's for something very specific. Then my brother and I went out with Dawn, Izzy and a bunch of their friends. We did a little pub crawl in the Marina. This is where I witness one of the biggest Cock-Blocks of my entire life:

I love people watching, especially at bars, cuz there are so many different kinds of crazy people. Plus they're drunk. So I see this one chick and first of all, she has on some bright red shorts. They almost look like soccer shorts, and this fairly cute black top. I was confused.

I'm watching her in her obviously drunken state, wondering where her people are. So she sits at the bar, alone, and this guy that's standing near here somehow starts talkng to her. Now this guy is super skinny and is wearing the jeans to prove it. I'm so not this kind of girl who even thinks about this kind of thing, but seriously, if you're gonna wear jeans hat skinny, use a sock if you got nothing goin' on....I mean we wear push-up bras...it's about the aesthetics. Anyway, his shirts tucked in and he has no socks on, so you can imagine the kind of game he has. But he has managed to find a woman who looks like she's been slipped a couple of roofies.

They continue talking, even while she is spinning herself around on the barstool and occasionally hitting my brothers leg who's sitting behind her. As they talk, the guy is getting closer and closer. Putting the moves on her. Slyly putting his arm around her waist, whispering really close to her. At one point his face was soooo close, I was uncomfortable. Then he was just about to go for it, when this guys comes out of nowhere and stand almost right in between them! Then they're talking and the drunk woman just gets up and leaves! Total cock-block! It was a tragedy. Part of me was happy that a drunken woman wasn't taken advantage of, but it's also sad when someone misses sealing the deal. I'm just saying.

Sunday Photoshoot

My friend invited me to be in this webisode that her friend is creating. I said I would, so I drove out to Studio City early Sunday morning. It was a lot of fun. I played a kid in a daycare, you know with our shoes on our knees. It was pretty funny it's gonna be great to see how it came out. Maybe I'll post the video here so you can see! We had a blast, we shot all day. So not only did I get to meet new people, but I got to meet up and coming people in the entertainment industry. That was a good boost, especially after that horrible audition. I want to do film anyway, so whatevs!

Monday Holiday

Didn't do anything on Monday.


That's all!

*N Sync: Rugrats Style

I'm not gonna be able to sit and blog much today, so I'm gonna to post an article I had in EveryGirlBlog. It's a blogzine created by my friend Allison and her friends. It's a group of girls of all ages and backgrounds with really interesting and fun articles, vlogs, and polls! It's about everything from relationships to music to food to movies to school! It's an amazing group of girls and I highly suggest

Earlier this year, she asked me if she could post some of my N Sync fan fiction. That's right, I wrote N Sync fan fiction, and I loved every minute of it! This was back in high school, when N Sync AND fan fiction were totally cool, so don't judge me! And if you're all nice about it, maybe just maybe I'll dig up some more of my fiction, which was darn good IMO!!

This particular story I wrote by putting N Sync in the places of the Rugrats (Rugrats were also cool at the time!). I was really just messing around, and it was before Lance "came out", which if you read the whole story you'll see why I now feel bad about one of my writing choices, haha! So if you like Rugrats, you'll enjoy it. If you like N Sync, you'll enjoy. If you hate Rugrats and N Sync, you'll probably hate it.

I'll post the first part of the article as published and put a link to the rest of it so you can have a chance to check out EverygirlBlog!

Here's a snippet of the story!

*N Sync: Rugrats Style


Dee Dee Pickles sat at the table, drinking her coffee, and reading the newspaper. She was reading the entertainment section, when her husband, Stu Pickles, walked in.

… “Good morning” He greeted her while getting the milk out of the refrigerator. He saw her reading the paper “Anything good?”

… “Well, there’s a concert tonight. It’s by the group *N Sync. I was thinking we should go see it. I do like their song ‘Bye Bye Bye’.”

… “That sounds like fun. I’ll order the tickets. I’ve heard they’re a great vocal group.”
center>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

…In the next room, the babies overheard the conversation in the kitchen.

…”I wonder what a ‘local group’ is ?” one-year old JC turned to his best friend, 2 year old Chris.

… “I dunno, JC, maybe Angelica will know.” Chris answered. JC’s baby brother, Justin, cooed in his rocker, while playing with his rattle.

… Just then, the doorbell rang, and Stu’s brother, Dru, came in with his daughter, JC’s cousin, Angelica. Stu walked with Dru into the kitchen to talk. Angelica walked over the to the play pen that confined her cousin and his companion.

… “Hello babies.”

… “Hi Angelica.” JC waddled over to where Angelica was standing on the other side of the pen. “Do you know what a ‘local group’ is?”

… “Of course I know what a local group is.” Angelica flipped her ponytails, and put her hands on her hips. She knew a lot for a four year old, at least she thought so. “A local group is a group of people that sing for a lot of other people.”

Continue Reading

My Love Map

Hello Blogosphere!

It is a good day to blog! (Said in the style of a Klingon, and I do apologize for knowing what that is, however if you understand what that means, apology retracted).

Before you start reading my blog post, I would like you check out BlogginBanana's post, it's a good laugh!

I have today off, regrettably. I was hoping to score a background job on Grey's Anatomy today, but no such luck. I love working on that show. The cast and the crew are pretty cool, they are always long days, and they have the best crafties.

Speaking of background, a couple of posts ago, I said I had some things going on, well one of them was an interview to play a dead body on Criminal Minds:



There were three other girls interviewing, and they picked the one who looked most like the girl who was going to be dead. I wasn't the one, unfortunately, but it's okay. I was that much closer to getting a SAG voucher!

None of this has anything to do with my Love Map.

I checked my e-mail today, and I got an e-mail from OKCupid it's a free dating site. It's a lot of fun though and one of the coolest dating sites I've been to. eHarmony is a waste of time BTW......Anyhoot, they sent me this map that charts where my best matches are according to my profile and matches on their system:



This explains a lot. I really hope there's a guy in Cali that can beat these odds, cuz there's no way in hell I'm moving to North Dakota.....Any North Dakota guys looking to move out to Cali, send me an e-mail, maybe we can make this happen!

As for the world map, why in the world am I match for Jamaica?!?!? Maybe it's cuz I have lots of jobs....(Hey! If you're looking for a PC blog, this isn't the one....) And I'm very pissed about Egypt being one of my best matches too. My One-That-Got-Away is Egyptian.....what the heck?!? Actually, he's not OTGA, he's One-That-left-Me-For-His-Girlfriend-And-Cultural-Reasons. So, eff that love map, I will not date another Egyptian, just to get heart broken again. Being dumped doesn't sound any better in Arabic....

Still trying to find a third roommate! Every time I get a roommate, I lose an apartment, when I get the apartment, I lose a roommate. Why is life trying to keep me in a cramped bedroom? I need space!! I'm breaking out of here, I don't care what it takes. In fact, I should probabbly be on Craigslist searching for a second job...Kay, Bye.



P.S. Thanks to Sonja, I found this signature generator through her blog! What do you think?

Blog Layout ADD

As you can see I have yet again changed the background and the heading for my blog. I can't seem to find one that I absolutely love for very long....What do you guys think of this one?

Happy Thursday!!

I don't much feel like Blogging today, but I'm gonna give you a link to Songs That Make Me Smile! **Warning: Some corny songs will be in there! But they make me smile! :-D)**

Can't Sleep!

Welp, it's 2:29 AM and I have to be at work at 5:00....I'm so boned!

I was lying in my bed with all of these things running around in my head, one of them having to do with my previous post, and a bunch of other things I have going on: trying to find a roommate, and this important opportunity that I have to interview for tomorrow. With all of these things going on, I was lying in bed with my eyes wide open.

I have to be getting ready to go in an hour and a half. I'm going to be sooo tired at work. I don't know how I'm going to survive tomorrow.

There are a couple of things going on in my life that I would like to share about, however none of them are for sures yet, and I have thins fear of jinxing myself if I talk about them too much. As a Christian I probably shouldn't be so superstitious, but I can't help it! :-P I feel like any time I have the possibility of a good thing and I tell anyone about it, it ends up not panning out (i.e. The guy that was almost my boyfriend. I had told anyone about him, and one day I was feeling happy about it, so I told my aunt, who was visiting, about him. He text me that night to say he was going back to his Ex).

As soon as things are settled and dust clears, and I have definite answers, you'll be the first (possibly second or third, depending:-)) to know!

My fam, my friend, and I saw District 9 tonight. We've been trying to see that movie all weekend! It was really good, and I'm glad I'm in the loop now. They were talking about it at work on Monday and I had to turn up my headphones cuz I didn't want to hear any spoilers. I hate spoilers. One of my biggest pet peeves is knowing the end of a movie I haven't seen, or when people just blurt out things that are going to happen. if you don't want to be my friend anymore, just tell me the ending of a movie we're watching. Done.

Well I'm going to attempt to close my eyes now. Thanks for stopping by!

How Do You Comfort Loneliness By Yourself?

Every once in awhile it hits me.

The Loneliness.

One would think I would be used to it by now, considering I have yet to be in a relationship, but that's not the case. I usually just try not to think about it but every once in while The Loneliness wins, and it's overwhelming thoughts.

What's wrong with me? Why am I not worth anyone's time or effort? Will I ever meet a guy that thinks I'm the greatest girl he's ever met?

Of course my friends and family all say "yes" with no hesitation. But that doesn't always seem so. I mean I'm 26 years old, how have I managed to stay single my entire life? When I start thinking about it, I boil it down to not being pretty enough because I haven't even gotten to the point where a guy even gave me enough of a chance to even consider being with me. It's ridiculous and extremely frustrating.

The only guy to even come close won't even be friends with me now. We had been hanging out, enjoying each others company, and then all of a sudden, he just stopped talking to me, then texts me and says he decided to go back to his ex-girlfriend. The one he had previously been telling me he didn't want to be with anymore and complaining about the stupid things she would do. He said it was for cultural/family reasons, yet now he won't even be friends with me. He treats me rather poorly actually, and you would think that would discourage me from having feelings for him. Well that was almost 4 years ago and I still feel like it happened last week. I still try every once in a while to get him to have a friendship with me which is über pathetic, and I know that, but I can't help it. i hang on to him because I don't have anyone else.

At this point it's pretty much all I think about, what it would be like to have a boyfriend. It's hard for anyone else to understand because no one else I know has gotten to the age of 26 without having an actual relationship.

I hate having a whiney blog post, but I had to let this out for now. Maybe I'll write more later...

New Phone & Apartment Hunting

So I finally got a new phone! My BB Pearl had been going crazy on me. I couldn't end calls and it would randomly turn off. After ComiCon I decided I had to get a new phone. I went with the BB Curve 8900 of course, since I had owned it for a couple of days when I lost my Pearl. It's such an awesome phone, I love the Blackberry OS, and the Curve just makes it even better! The screen is a good size, and I can watch videos!!

I've only had for about 4 days and I'm loving it. I'm sure there's still a lot more I can do with the phone, I just have to keep playing with it. I'm also addicted to BBM! It's so much better than texting. I also got a car charger and a case, so I don't have to drag around a charger and hopefully I won't be scratching it by dropping it with the cases I have. I'm hoping to keep this phone in good condition for a while!

Even the apps on the Curve are improved from the Pearl. I'm very impressed, bravo I say to Blackberry!! Here's a pic I took with my Curve:



Very colorful! (That's my Dad's office. He's been collecting toys from BK and McDonald's forever....)



Next order of business: Moving.

It's definitely time for me to move. I live at home with my family and it's starting to drive me crazy. Not necessarily my family themselves are driving me crazy, more of the fact that I don't have my own space. I'm sharing a room with two younger brothers. I'm dying for space! It's also hard to function as an independent adult when you live with your parents. My parents have never been the strict type though, I've never had a curfew or anything, and they're cool for the most part.

The only thing that is keeping me under their roof is the ridiculous cost of living in Los Angeles! IThe only thing keeping me in LA is the fact that I'm working on an acting career. If it weren't for that, I would have moved away from here long a go. But being an actress also means I can't have a career that pays well, which means I can't afford the ridiculous prices to live here! It's all a huge mess and it's stupid.

Unfortunately, at 18 I went credit card crazy, so I also don't know if I have the credit to move out. Blech. I'm tired of looking for a place to lvie and figuring out who to live wiht. My 23 year old brother wants to move out too, so were gonna find a place, but we can't seem to agree on price or location. I'm getting ver antsy and very frustrated. I'm ready to start my own adult life!! But I feel so trapped living here. Grrr. I don't know what to do!!