My St. Patty's Day (I know it's late!)

Helloooo!!

I'm back in Cali from my much-needed mini vacay! It was pretty spectacular how things turned out this weekend. One thing I hate about vacations though is coming back to the "real world". I have work in the morning, ugh. So that means I have to get back into the mindset of work. It's not a horrible job, I actually enjoy it, but it boils down to it still being work. Honestly, if I could wake up and stroll in whenever I wanted, and take days off whenever I wanted, it would be the perfect job, and I would have absolutely no complaints!

I gained a lot of followers this weekend thanks to SITS, which is fantastic and I'm really excited! If you are from SITS, and you left a comment, I'm still working on my replies! :-P

Anyhoot! I kicked off my vacay on St. Patty's Day, and my friend CJ and I went to The Bar we always go to where we know the guys that work there and I usually see one or two other people I know.

Oh what a night! Okay so you know my guys at this bar and what the deal is. Well SP and Envy have another friend, we'll call him Fresh (again, it makes sense to me, don't you worry about it!). Well here's a quick recap of what's going on with them:

Then: SP and I almost dated last summer, but he found out I don't want to have sex and decideded he didn't actually want to go out with me. he didn't say that, but I'm pretty sure that was the deal.

Now: I call SP when I need a guy to talk to. I think he's still attracted to me, and would like to be with me if I were willing to give it up. Which I'm not, so we're at a bit of a stand still.

Then: I liked Envy, thought he liked me, there was definite attraction.

Now: Found out Envy has a GF. Still flirt, but won't do anything unless he ends up not with her anymore.

Then: Fresh didn't pay attention to me, thought he didn't like me. It was awkward cuz he's close friends with SP.

Now: Fresh has shown a lot of interest in me, unfortunately I only like him as a friend.

Keep in mind all three of these guys are friends...How's that a make for weird situations?!?

Anyways! St. Patty's night, we were dancing and having a great time. I'd had a few drinks, so I was feeling pretty good. Now, when I get tipsy, I get bold and friendly, not in a weird, skanky, or obnoxious way, but a fun way. I was walking by this table where these guys were standing, and there was space between two of them, so I walked up and rested on the table and started talking to them. Out of no where. A group of guys I didn't know. I kind of hit it off with one, so we were talking. Then I went back to find CJ and ended up bringing her back to the table with the guys I'd met.

The one I had been talking to got my BBM, and asked if I wanted to go hang out with them at his place. I wasn't gonna, but CJ wanted to hang out more, so she took my phone and arranged for us to go over there after. They lived in walking distance from the place, so we headed over.

We had fun. That's all I'll say for now! Problem is, I now kind of like the guy I was talking to. We'll call him Prince. Not cuz he's my prince or anything, but as in the musical artist Prince. I thought he was interested in me, but i haven't heard from him since that night.

I'm going to experiment and see if I treat a guy I am interested in the same as I do guys I'm not interested in, will he pursue me the same way guys I'm not interested in do. I have to try this on Prince because it's a fresh start. I don't know if I'll last though. I'm so used to being the pursuer when it comes to guys I'm interested in, which is totally backwards, I know. But that's what I'm used to.

I need to get bed now, I was gonna call this an early night (yeah right, like that'll ever happen!). I will write more about my vacay, hopefully tomorrow!

Got A Minute?

Oh my wow!

This is just about the firs time I've ha a moment and the drive to write a blog post. I hate that I can't write as much anymore. and I feel like it happened right as i was gaining steam in my writing! The problem is that before I was working part-time so i had a lot of free time! I got a full-time position now, and it's all day in front of the computer, so by the time I get home, I don't want to stare at the screen more! Blech. I need to get into a blogging routine, cuz I miss this, I really do.

oh there's been a lot going on in my life lately! I don't even know where to start!

Let's see, I ended my gym membership yesterday because I haven't had time, and I gave 24 Hour fitness about $120 for nothing the last 4 months. Grrr. Plus I have joined a soccer league and a social sports league! I would recommend looking up an adult social sports league in your area, they are so worth it! Great way to meet new people!

Still been going to that same bar, and you all would probably be very disappointed in me when it comes to SP...:-P

I was dating a few guys for a minute there as I think I mentioned before. I've hit my valley now though. Nothing on the horizon.

Oh, but I can you a little story about a secret admirer I had (have). Last week, I got this text message from someone. The name was in my phone, but I had no idea who it was, the name was not familiar. I thought maybe it was a guy I met a long time ago at a party or something. Anyway, the text says "You are a wonderful person, I wish I could be your man one day". Since the name didn't even ring a bell, I wasn't getting my hopes up. So I text back saying thank you, and asking who it was. They simply replied: "someone who thinks a lot of you". It was REALLY bugging me. So, I sat there racking my brain trying to figure out who this guy was.

OH.MY.GOD. It hit me like a horrible flash. IT WAS MY MECHANIC!!! FML. WHAT THE HELL?? He has a son in HIGH SCHOOL! Gawd!! I talk to him when I take my car in, but I though we were just being nice to each other!! I hate how life works. How come you can't just be nice when it comes to guys? How come the ones you're nice to but don't like end up liking you, but when you're nice to the ones you do like, they run away screaming?!? How the eff is that fair?!?!?

I'm so pissed about that! But fortunately, I had the best weekend EVER so despitethe rocky start, my weekend was amazing!

The highlight? My friend and I went karaoke-ing on Friday. We ended up getting a table right by the karaoke stage, and at one point they called up "Jimmy", I look and it's freaking JAMES MARSDEN! I was so smitten, he's sooo hot to me! Here are some pics I took with my phone:





Then after I finish freaking out over him singing (and quite well!) i look over and he's with the cast of Cougar Town! I LOVE that show! Courtney Cox and all the main guys from the show were there! It made sense cuz they film that show in the studio a couple of blocks away from where I live, which is also not far from this karaoke bar!

I sang I'm Gonna Be (500 miles) by The Proclaimers and I had people singing along with me and everything, it was fantastic! The rest of the weekend was crazy fun and random! I wish I had blogged about it when it happened:-P Maybe I'll back blog it one day for the posterity!

Also went to Vegas this weekend, which was a lot of fun. I got to hang out with some friends I don't hang out with nearly enough, and we had a blast! I'll have to post pics!

Thanks for stopping by! I'll try to get more on top of writing, responding and reading blogs!! Bear with me!

CampFire Network: eQ

Jennie at Generation You has started this idea of The Campfire Network in which you swap thought provoking questions with a fellow blogger. The intention is to break the mold of your traditional blogging and engage in some candid conversations with your readers. Reveal as much or as little as you wish, but the posts tend to be more relatable and more robust when you open up. In turn, pick some other bloggers you want to swap questions with. No promises that they will open up. Remember, sharing stories around a campfire often times gets emotional and ends up with someone killing the vibe by crying, stomping off into the woods or wanting to fight someone.


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My girl eQ over at Misguided Me and I have swapped questions. I asked her a few random, fun questions and she did the same for me. She's an awesome chick, and I would definitely recommend reading her blog, if not subscribing! She's a fun and interesting read!

Welcome to any visitor's from Misguided Me!! I think you'll enjoy her answers!! Please comment and let me know you came over!

If you would like to swap questions with me, let me know! It's fun and a good way to cross audiences and find cool new blogs!!

(See my answers to eQ's questions here)
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Gen: What are you most afraid of not accomplishing in your life?

eQ: I am afraid of not making my family proud. It is easy to assume that they are. But I rarely feel like that is the case. I know my success in life (in their eyes) isn’t measured by how much money I make or the job I have or if I am married and have kids. I know that they will be proud of me if I just go out there and try. But I feel some pressure sometimes, since both of my siblings are married and have kids and good careers. I sometimes think they are waiting around for me to do the same. I just don’t want them to feel sorry for me. That would be the worst.




Gen: What do you like best about yourself?

eQ: Physically? I like my wrists. They are dainty and feminine. As Far as in my character is concerned I would have to go with the fact that I try to keep the drama in my life at a minimum. I am an avid believer that you need to flush the negativity out of your life before you truly feel at peace. Now that doesn’t mean that I myself am this perfect balancing act. I just think you need to stop letting the losers in your life get under your skin. Fuck them. The perpetual whiner, the slack ass roommate, the negative Nancy, the cheating BF/GF, the condescending parents. You know who they are in your life. Get rid of them, life is too short to be caught up in someone else’s drama. Now when I say “get rid of” I don’t mean hire a hit man or go stabbing them in the middle of the night. I mean either minimize interaction with them or stop communicating with them. Just and FYI



Gen: 3 Guilty pleasures?

eQ: This is a good question because as I am pondering what my guilty pleasures are I am smiling and slightly salivating. Mmmm, guilty pleasures….

1. Really expensive shoes. If I were wealthy I would have a serious shoe problem. Thankfully I can’t afford them. But that doesn’t stop me from going to Saks to sit in the midst of shoetopia. I get a little high when I am there.

2. Tattoos. I have 9. Collected over the past 13 years. I am in the process of removing 2 but not before I add another one on my back, which will cost around $450. They are addicting. I swear they put something in the ink!

3. Chocolate. This is an obvious one. All my friends and family know this about myself. Chocolate brownies, chocolate cake, little Cadbury eggs, Hershey kisses, Reese’s peanut butter cups, chocolate ice cream, chocolate covered anything. Gimme!



Gen: What is your favorite thing about being in a relationship, what is your least favorite?

eQ: One of the best things about a relationship for me is sharing my life with someone. I have a person who knows every little nuance about me. He knows how to manage me, anticipate my moods, to listen and give advice. I have a travel buddy and a snuggle partner. We are best pals. We are very opposite but I think that’s part of the magic.

My least favorite thing is trying to manage my expectations of him. I want to believe that he will change and adapt over the years. This may be true in some instances, but at the core you have to accept your mate on all levels the way they come. You can’t ever “expect” things from your mate if you do you are in for a world of hurt. Expectations just lead to frustrations. This is the hardest thing for people (especially woman) to understand of a relationship.

Almost Doesn't Count

Hey All,

It's been a whole week since I've blogged, I'm terrible I know.

Friday night I went with my friend Stephen and his friend Nyana to a Michael Jackson/Prince Tribute night. It was a lot of fun. They played a lot of old school music and of course MJ and Prince. It was soo hot but the dancing was beyond a good time. I didn't have to worry about some random guy coming up and trying to grind his way through my pelvis. That's what I love about old school music. You can just dance and have fun. No one was trying to be hot or sexy, no pressure to look good. Just dance and have fun!!

Don't get it twisted though, I can dance (i.e. "break someone off"), when necessary, but sometimes it's nice to just be free!

Saturday my mom, a friend of hers and I went up to our church's women's retreat. It was up in the mountains. Friday night I randomly started coming down with something, but went dancing anyways. And I was definitely sick in the mountains. I hate being sick, especially when it's hot, that's incredibly gross.

The rest of the week was mighty uneventful, until last night. (Warning, this is a long story!) I've been talking to this guy, we'll call him SP (not his initials, so don't even try to figure it out). He had asked for my number. I had noticed him before, the few times I had seen him and thought he was really attractive, so I gave him my number. I asked him if he was going to be one of those guys who asks for a number and then never uses it, he told me he would be gone for a few weeks, but he would text me while he was out of town.

About a week later I heard from him, yay!! We text for a couple of hours and things were looking up. He text me again a couple of nights later and then again after that. When he got back in town, he ended up inviting me to this bar where he was which is right around the corner from my job. So I headed over there. He was really nice, we hit it off, had fun. We sat in my car for a bit and talked and I drove him home (he doesn't live far and didn't drive himself to the bar, otherwise, he'd be on his own). During this time, it came out that I am not planning on having sex until I get married...He took this very seriously, which I appreciated.

Naturally the next day I wondered if I would hear from him, especially since now he knew I wasn't giving it up anytime soon. It took everything in me not to text him first. I was trying out the techniques of the book called You Lost Him At Hello. It's a good book, but it's really hard to put some of her suggestions into practice. We had hung out on Friday, I knew he wouldn't text me Saturday because he was having a birthday party that day, so Sunday rolls around and I'm gnawing at my fingers not to text him first. He eventually does text me and we talk some more.

He told me he was really thinking about the fact that I wasn't going to sleep with him and he didn't want to pressure me. I thought that was cool. I thought maybe he was going to turn out to be different from other guys. He sure was starting out the right way. Nice guy, respectful, and funny to boot. Very good start!

To make a long story slightly short, he hasn't been texting me the last few weeks. I have been the one texting him. So I guessed that he decided he wasn't interested in me. What do I expect, right? For me words speak louder than actions, so even though the way he was behaving pretty much told me what was going on, I needed to hear it. I hadn't talked to him for two weeks, and I text him to ask him what was going on. I ended up chickening out and we were just chatting like normal. It gets a little hard to explain here, but basically through the course of conversation he ended up telling me he wasn't interested in me. I was asking him questions about how he behaves towards girls he's interested in. Then he asked if I was interested in a boy.

Me: "Not anymore, but it's good to have insights" (I was thinking of him)
Him: What is his name and what did he do for you not to be?
Me: He just turned out to be the kind of guy I'm not interested in.
Him: Are you thinking about me and not telling me? (He's a smart cookie)
Me: You're funny, and yes I was talking about you
Him: That must make me a bad guy.
Me: No it's doesn't. I didn't say you were a bad guy

So, I kind of lied. I was still slightly interested, but if he wasn't interested in me there was no point in me telling him I was. I also realized I had never had a guy just tell me he wasn't interested. They always just stop talking to me or start acting weird. So I never really get closure. I thought maybe I was a weird, obsessive person, but when I realized he wasn't interested in me, I felt no need to pursue him whatsoever. It was very liberating. So I went to bed not feeling too bad, I mean I understand not wanting to have to go without sex, whatever.

So this morning, we were continuing our conversation from last night and I asked him when he decided he wasn't interested in me anymore and he said probably when this girl who he had been interested in whom he thought would never give him the time of day started showing some interest.


THERE IT IS!!

My world was shattered. Once again I was dropped for some other girl. It was completely different when it was just he wasn't interested. but it hurt far worse that he "found someone better". I HATE that. I don't understand why I can't be good enough. I had hoped with everything that he would be a different guy, he had all the potential to be. But in the end he's just like the rest of them. He's got the girl who hasn't given him a hint of chance and the girl who was nice and accessible. As soon as the first girl bats an eye, off he goes, dropping the girl whom he didn't have to jump through hoops for. I tried soooo hard to be the hard-to-get girl, but I'm so bad at that. I don't want to pretend that I don't like you or am not interested in you. I know it's necessary if I want to get a guy, but I really suck at it. I'm not good and hiding or disguising how I feel. I guess when I really get tired of being alone, I'll suck it up and be the bitch that is apparently necessary to be in order to get and keep a guy. I got really pissed and my texts were definitely showing it. We ended with "we'll be friends", but I'm still pissed. Not at him but at the situation. I'll give him credit, he stuck out the conversation. He's still a decent guy, I just hate that he didn't rise above.

The story is a lot more complicated and intricate than what I've posted but I tried to condense it for you.

Oh well, back to the dating board...

How Do You Comfort Loneliness By Yourself?

Every once in awhile it hits me.

The Loneliness.

One would think I would be used to it by now, considering I have yet to be in a relationship, but that's not the case. I usually just try not to think about it but every once in while The Loneliness wins, and it's overwhelming thoughts.

What's wrong with me? Why am I not worth anyone's time or effort? Will I ever meet a guy that thinks I'm the greatest girl he's ever met?

Of course my friends and family all say "yes" with no hesitation. But that doesn't always seem so. I mean I'm 26 years old, how have I managed to stay single my entire life? When I start thinking about it, I boil it down to not being pretty enough because I haven't even gotten to the point where a guy even gave me enough of a chance to even consider being with me. It's ridiculous and extremely frustrating.

The only guy to even come close won't even be friends with me now. We had been hanging out, enjoying each others company, and then all of a sudden, he just stopped talking to me, then texts me and says he decided to go back to his ex-girlfriend. The one he had previously been telling me he didn't want to be with anymore and complaining about the stupid things she would do. He said it was for cultural/family reasons, yet now he won't even be friends with me. He treats me rather poorly actually, and you would think that would discourage me from having feelings for him. Well that was almost 4 years ago and I still feel like it happened last week. I still try every once in a while to get him to have a friendship with me which is über pathetic, and I know that, but I can't help it. i hang on to him because I don't have anyone else.

At this point it's pretty much all I think about, what it would be like to have a boyfriend. It's hard for anyone else to understand because no one else I know has gotten to the age of 26 without having an actual relationship.

I hate having a whiney blog post, but I had to let this out for now. Maybe I'll write more later...

Lazy Days

So, I promised myself I would try to blog everyday, even if nothing "interesting" happened. Let's see, what I can get out of today.

I woke up early to get stuff started for Youth Group with the fundraiser I'm heading. Deadlines sure sneak up on you, don't they? I always say I'll do stuff then it comes up so fast and I feel like I had no time to prepare! This was my first day off in 13 days!! I'm not one of those people who just says "I've been busy", but I haven't. When I say I've been busy, I really have. My days seem to go by so quickly. between having to be at work and trying to fit the gym in, I feel like those are the only two places I've been in the last two weeks.

So, I read this book called You Lost Him At Hello. It's a good book. This woman has applied sales techniques to dating. It sounds weird, but it seems like it would work, in theory. I haven't had a chance to really put any of her techniques to the test. However, part of what she stresses is to not always be available. She also says, women, you have to play games. It sucks, but you have to play the games guys make us play. Even though they swear they don't like games, it's a lie, because there are rules you have to follow. I know this is true because I didn't like playing games either, and I've been doing things my way, and I've been single my whole life. So I've decided to buckle down and do what these books suggest, rather than my own natural desires.

I wanted to text TR yesterday to say bye and whatever, you know, just any reason to start a conversation. But I told myself not to. I ate my fingers to keep from typing on my phone. Somehow I distracted myself and got through yesterday without saying anything. Today I wanted to just forget what the book said and send him a text. But then I told myself again, "No, you've always done it your way, and it's gotten you nothing. Try something different!", so I didn't.

My problem is, I feel like any little thing could stop a guy from being interested in me. Only the guys I'm interested in though. Guys I have absolutely no interest in whatsoever won't leave me alone no matter what. What is up with that? Why are the guys I'm into not into me?

ANYway, so I went to the gym, to continue my workout routine and to keep my hands occupied. When I get there, I feel my phone vibrate. It was TR! He actually text me first! I couldn't believe I did it. I waited, and he text me first. I kind of like this feeling.

I like being pursued. I prefer to be pursued. But I'm so used to having to be the pursuer it's hard for me to think anyone would ever want to pursue me. A guy making an effort into seeing me or going out of his way to talk to me seem like a fairytale, or something that only happens in movies. It's very hard for me to imagine a guy liking me enough to work to get and/or keep me. It's very sad, but I'm trying not to think that way.

Well that's another glimpse into my love life and why it is the way it is now. More shall reveal itself in due time I'm sure. La'az!

Livin' For The Weekend

This weekend turned out to be very interesting! A great turn around from Thursday indeed.

FUNKY FRIDAY

Friday morning I went to the gym and did my workout, just in time to meet my friend Dawn at the theater. We were going to see 17 Again. Turned out the movie time was different from what she had found, and I had to be at work at 3:00. We found it playing at another theater not too far at 12:30, so we headed over.

We got good seats in the middle, just where I like them! Let me tell you, Pacific in downtown Culver City is my FAVORITE theater. The seats are comfortable and the stadium seating is perfect, you don't have to worry about people's big heads or hairdos getting in your way! Anyway there was Dawn and I, two grown men (who weren't together, they were sitting far from one another, which was interesting), and a couple I think.

I'm so glad there weren't a lot of people, because Dawn and I were drooling over Zac Efron the entire time! I thought he was hot in Hairspray, but didn't think much of him, but now, I've become one of those tween girls screaming about him! I'm really much too old for this, but he's so GORGEOUS, it's ridiculous. Since Hayden Christensen went and got married, I think I've found his replacement....Don't even get me started on why he's so attractive. And what makes him hot in this movie is that he's playing a grown man. So he's not some dumb high school kid. His is a man, and he did an excellent job! His mannerisms and facial expressions were priceless. I really think he could be another great actor of our time if he picks the right roles.


Swingin' Saturday

Had to work at 5:oo am on Saturday, but it wasn't too bad cuz I was working with Dawn again, and we were still on our Zac Efron high. We were positively giddy at the thought of the boy. But it was fun being silly with someone else about a celebrity crush.

I was supposed to hang out with my brother and our friends because our friend Avery has never seen Final Destination and we were going to watch the trilogy. But he had a family emergency, so we ended up not going. I checked my e-mail when I got home and I got an e-mail from a guy I met at Brennan's back in September. We'll call him TR. I hadn't heard from him a in while. He's from out of state, but he was in LA for work, and he asked for my number. My brother and I were trying to figure out what to do for the night, but I was so tired I was falling asleep. Then I got a text from TR asking me to come out. I wanted to but I was super tired, and I did not fee like driving, but my brother was feeling like going out, so I figured if he was driving I would go. We ended up meeting TR and his friends in Venice. It was cool. We got there kind of late so we weren't there for long. It was cool though. I always like hanging out with my brother.

When I saw TR, I gave him a hug and he said "You look great!", this was cool because guys always say that in movies when they see the girl after a while, and I always thought: Guys never say that in real life! So I was really flattered. It doesn't take much for me, lol. I'll have to recap my love life /dating experiences one of these days so you'll understand my awkwardness when it comes to the opposite sex.

Slowdown Sunday

Had to work again on Sunday. It wasn't a long shift, and my mom and brothers picked me up to go to the Festival of Books at UCLA. It was crowded!! We go every year, and it's getting crazier!! My mom and I found some good info.

We were walking around when I saw a guy that looked familiar. He looked like a guy I dated last year. We will call him AC. So I text him and asked him if he was at the Festival, and he said yes. We ended up finding each other. I haven't seen him in about a year, and we just stopped talking to each other. There was no break-up or anything wrong, we just lost communication. Gave him a hug and he said "You look great!", haha!! This was awesome. I was so glad I decided to wash my hair on Friday, and look semi cute even though we were just going to the festival. So random, I see two guys I haven't seen in a while, and they both tell me I look great which I thought was a movie myth, and urban legend.

After the festival, my mom and brothers and I decided to go see Race To Witch Mountain. It sucked. The writing was terrible, it was cliche and just a BAD movie. I am not picky about my movies, so if I say it's bad, it's BAD.

We ended up seeing another homeschool mom we knew when I was in high school. She was bragging to my mom about being a grandmother, and my mom was saying she was jealous. I hate these conversations because then I'm looked at like "Why don't you have any kids yet?!", I'm like mom, would you like me to just run out and get pregnant? Cuz I can probably do that. I was just hoping to actually be in love and have a husband before I have children. If you would like to go out in LA and find me a decent guy, go for it, and good luck! I always hate seeing people that I knew from high school. I mean I live at home and I'm trying to be an actress. My life is not really noteworthy as of yet. SO then I have to say oh, I'm working on an acting career or oh I'm an online moderator. Neither of which are very impressive. But I'm making those sacrifices for my dream career. But that's for another blog another time!

Manic Monday

Went to work. Tried to do homework at Coffee Bean afterwards, but it was too cold outside, and all the tables inside were taken. I get a text from TR asking me if I can come hang out. I tell him I have to go to the gym then go home and get ready. I invite Dawn, Allison and Chelsea. We all meet in Venice Beach at a bar to watch the Lakers game (GO LAKER S 4- 1, WOOOO!). Then the three of us end up going back to the Ritz-Carlton with TR and his friend. It was good times after that, but I won't go into detail.


Also, this weekend I had checked my Facebook and I got a wall comment from The Guy, another long story, let's just say he's kind of 'The One That Got Away, only it would be The One That Let Me Go. The one whom I've had feelings for, that I can't get rid of, for the last three years. He never initiates any conversation with me, it's always me talking to him. But he actually wrote to me first.

So it was a very interesting weekend as far as my "Love" Life goes. Lol, I didn't meet anyone knew, but I had interactions with a few guys from the past. It was really weird that it all happened in the same weekend.

How was your weekend?